Miss You
by PerfectImperfection85
Summary: GSR. Spoilers for Leaving Las Vegas. There was a cold fear creeping into her heart that he wouldn't return. She knew if that happened it would kill her. But she also knew it was a chance she'd have to take. She'd wait forever if she had to.
1. Watch You Leave

Watch You Leave

Swinging open her locker door, Sara sighed and tried not to allow the exhaustion she felt show on her face. She'd never admit it to anyone but she was tired. It was hard enough to admit to herself. She was well known for her insomnia and her ability to work anywhere up to four straight shifts without going home to sleep.

But things had changed. Her body was changing and she suddenly found herself falling asleep at any given opportunity. It had been her first clue.

She placed her hand on her growing stomach and allowed a ghost of a smile to form on her face. She and Grissom had never talked about having children. She still wasn't sure it was something he wanted. But she knew with complete certainty that she wanted this baby. She had known from the moment the doctor had told her the results.

She had every intention of telling Grissom, she really did. But that same night he'd dropped the bombshell about his sabbatical and the words died on her lips. She was certain that if she told him he wouldn't go and she wouldn't do that to him. No matter how much she wanted to.

_How can I just let you walk away  
Just let you leave without a trace  
When I stand here taking  
Every breath with you _

He needed the break. The whole team had noticed the changes in him over the past few months. His mood swings, his constant headaches. If he didn't take a break soon he would completely burn out.

_You're the only one_

_Who really knew me at all_

Reaching into her locker she placed her purse on the shelf and began to shrug out of her jacket. As she was hanging it in her locker, a voice from the doorway halted her actions.

"Hey. My cab's here."

_How can you just walk away from me?_

_When all I can do is watch you leave._

She turned to greet him and quickly folded her jacket over her arm in front of her. To most people she wouldn't look any different. Three months and a half months wasn't quite enough time to be fully showing yet and the small bump that had begun to form could only been seen if someone were actually looking for it.

_Cause we shared the laughter and the pain_

_And even shared the tears_

But he was different. He knew every square inch of her body by heart. The last thing she wanted was for him to find out just as he was leaving.

_You're the only one_

_Who really knew me at all_

"So you're going?" She hadn't meant it to come out as a question. It had been weeks since he shared the news and they'd discussed it at length. But she wondered if some small part of her had refused to accept it until now.

"Yeah."

_So take a look at me now_

_Cause there's just an empty space_

What hurt the most was that they were parting during shift. She desperately wanted to hold him, to kiss him and tell him she loved him and couldn't wait until he got back. But there relationship was still unknown to anyone and saying a proper goodbye in the locker room was out of the question.

_And there's nothing left her to remind me_

_Just the memory of your face_

"I'll see you when you get back." She forced a smile as she said the words. She knew his leaving would be painful, even if it was only for four weeks. But nothing could have prepared her for the loneliness she was already beginning to feel.

_So take a look at me now_

_There's just an empty space_

She turned back to her locker so that he wouldn't see the tears building up in her eyes. She hoped he would just go. She didn't think she could take looking at him any longer without breaking. After a few seconds she turned back to the doorway, confused as to why she could still feel his presence.

_And you coming back to me_

_Is against the odds_

_And that's what I've got to face_

He had moved inside the room and was gazing at her with a pained expression. It almost soothed her slightly to know that the separation was hurting him just as much as it was her.

Eventually he spoke. "I'll miss you."

_I wish I could just make you turn around_

_Turn around and see me cry._

_There's so much I need to say to you._

_So many reasons why_

A voice inside her head screamed at her to say something. To tell him she'd miss him too. But she knew that if she even tried to reply, it would be her undoing. So instead she smiled slightly and nodded hoping that her eyes would convey the message her lips couldn't.

_You're the only one_

_Who really knew me at all_

After what seemed like an eternity he broke the gaze and turned, leaving the room hurriedly.

Sara could almost feel the distance growing between them. She told herself over and over it was only four weeks. He had assured her. So why did it feel like he was walking out of her life?

Although she could no longer see him, she knew the exact moment he exited the lab. Because it was the exact same moment that her heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

_So take a look at me now_

_There's just an empty space_

Her knees gave way and she sat heavily down on the wooden bench in front of her locker. Suddenly, all the feelings of hurt, anger and frustration burst to the surface and she slammed the metal door forcefully, resting her elbows on her knees and dropping her head into her hands.

_There's nothing left here to remind me_

_Just the memory of your face_

She wasn't sure how long she sat there. It could have been anywhere from a minute to an entire shift. She was suddenly brought back to reality by the feeling of another presence in the room. Keeping her head down she quickly tried to formulate an excuse for her behaviour as she felt the person take a seat beside her on the bench.

Once she was sure she had managed to compose herself she lifted her head and turned to face the person who had still made no effort to speak.

_So take a look at me now_

_There's just an empty space_

But as she looked up into a pair of knowing brown eyes, every ounce of composure left her body and she fell apart.

"He's gone Jim. He left me."

_But to wait for you_

_Is all I can do _

_And that's what I've got to face._

Brass folded his arms around the woman he loved like a daughter and gently stroked her hair as she cried. "Hey baby doll ssshh! No one could possibly leave you. He'll be back. I'd bet my life on it."

_Take a good look at me now_

_Cause I'll still be standing here_

Her head told her that he was right. That it was only four weeks and he'd be back before she knew it. But there was a cold fear creeping into her heart that he wouldn't return. That he'd leave Vegas, and the lab, and her, behind and start a new life. She knew that if that happened it would kill her. But she also knew that it was a chance she'd have to take.

She'd wait for him. No question about it. She'd wait forever if she had to.

_And you coming back to me _

_Is against all odds_

_That's the chance I've got to take._

_Take a look a me now_


	2. A Million People

A Million People

Crowds of students filed out of the doors and onto the quad outside Williams College. The crisp winter air was alive with the sound of chatter and laughter as they enjoyed the early December snow. Despite the cold chill in the air, the sun shone down brightly, casting a golden glow over the campus.

_Another sunny day_

_Has come and gone away_

_In Paris and Rome_

_But I wanna go home_

Grissom stood silently in the centre of the chaos, watching as life went on around him. For the first time in what felt like forever, he was surrounded by something other than the finality of death.

The scene that surrounded him was something akin to that which one would normally see on the front of a Christmas card. It was peace, youth, and happiness at it's finest.

_May be surrounded by_

_A million people, I_

_Still feel all alone_

_Just wanna come home_

_Oh I miss you, you know_

So why did he feel so empty?

_And I've been keeping all the letters_

_That I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

_I'm fine baby, how are you?_

It had been three weeks since he'd left Las Vegas behind. Since he'd left Sara behind. He'd written to her every day since he'd been out there, the letters somehow making him feel closer to her. He didn't send them however, choosing instead to keep them locked in a drawer in his hotel room.

_I would send them but I know that it's just not enough_

_My words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that_

He knew he'd done the right thing by taking a break from the lab. If he hadn't have gone when he did he would have completely burned out.

_Another aeroplane_

_Another sunny place_

_I'm lucky I know_

_But I wanna go home_

_I've got to go home_

He was becoming a bad supervisor, even a bad CSI. He found himself unable to concentrate on cases, suffering from headaches, and snapping at his team.

_Let me go home_

_I'm just too far_

_From where you are_

_I've wanna come home_

But worse of all he was becoming a bad partner. He knew he was taking the brunt of his stress out on Sara. And what hurt him the most was that every time he snapped, every time he acted like the world's biggest jerk, she would just stand there and take it. It was this knowledge that ultimately led to his decision to take the job at Williams College. He remembered all too well the day his mind was made up.

_His head felt as though a jackhammer was drilling through the front of his skull. Every beat of his heart pounded in his ears and the intense urge to vomit rolled over him in waves._

_Lying back on the sofa in his town house he closed his eyes, his brow knitting tightly as he rubbed his temples to try and ease the pain._

_That was how Sara found him._

_The slam of the door as she entered was like a sledgehammer crashing down onto his skull and he winced in pain. She realised her mistake immediately._

_Speaking softly, she approached him, "Gil, honey are you ok?"_

"_Do I look ok to you?" He snapped harshly. _

_A flash of hurt crossed her face but as quickly as it had come, it vanished, replaced by an understanding and loving smile. She leaned down and kissed him softly on the forehead before heading toward the kitchen._

_A few moments later, she returned, carrying a glass of water and two pills in her hand._

"_Here, take these."_

"_I'm fine!" He replied curtly._

"_Gil, you're not fine. The pills will help you. Please take them."_

"_Dammit I said I'm fine!" He hadn't intended to yell so loud, nor had he intended to knock the glass of water forcefully out of her hands, shattering it all over the tiled floor. But whether he had intended it or not, he had in fact done it._

_His actions shocked him back to reality and he glanced at Sara. His heart broke when he saw that she had shrunk back, away from him, with an expression that could only be described as terror on her face._

_How could he be so stupid?! _

_She had opened up to him and told him about her family. He had finally understood why domestic violence cases rattled her so much. And he had sworn with every fibre of his being that he would make sure she never had to feel afraid of him._

_That promise had been broken in less than a second._

_She stared at him now with fear in her eyes, frozen to the spot._

"_Sara…honey I'm……" He started to reach for her and cursed himself when she backed away from him. Lowering his hands and his head he shamefully spoke, "I'm sorry."_

_Before he could look up at her he heard the slamming of the door and the distinct sound of an engine starting. Closing his eyes he sank down on to the sofa, burying his face in his hands._

Just the thought of that day made Grissom feel sick to the stomach. He hadn't seen Sara for three days after that. She'd come back to the townhouse while he was at work that night and packed a bag, taking what was necessary and renting a room at a motel.

She'd returned to the townhouse a few days later and told him that there was something important that they needed to discuss.

_And I feel just like I'm living _

_Someone else's life_

_Like I just stepped outside_

_When everything was going right_

Terrified that she would leave him, he'd blurted out his news about the job offer at Williams. He rambled on at ninety miles per hour about how the break would help him get back on track and how he would do anything to avoid ever making her feel afraid of him again. And she had once again smiled at him, hugged him, and told him she loved him. He didn't know whether that made him feel grateful or even more ashamed.

_And I know just why you could not _

_Come along with me_

_This was not your dream_

_But you always believed in me_

And so he had packed his things and flown half way across the country. Away from her. It had almost killed him to say goodbye. It had torn him apart when he told her he'd miss her and she didn't reply.

But he knew he had to leave.

_Another winter day _

_Has come and gone away_

_In Paris and Rome_

_And I wanna go home_

Williams College was a beautiful place and he had to admit he enjoyed teaching again. It made him feel like there was more to life than death, like life was worth living. He hadn't felt that way in a long time.

_Let me go home_

But as happy as teaching made him and as free as he felt, there was something missing. He was surrounded by a million people on a daily basis, but none of them were the one person he wanted to see. His heart yearned for her, his arms ached to hold her and his eyes seemed to search out her beautiful face everywhere he went.

_And I'm surrounded by_

_A million people, I_

_Still feel alone_

_Let me go home_

_Oh I miss you, you know_

A weight had lifted from his shoulders, but the weight around his heart remained in place. That was a weight that could only be lifted by one person. His Sara. Without her by his side, nowhere could ever be home.

_Let me go home_

_I've had my run_

_And baby I'm done_

_I wanna come home_

He also knew that deep down he did love his job. He just needed to take a break every once in a while. And he vowed that if it meant avoiding another episode like the one that had caused him to come out here, he would make damn sure he take it. After all, he had something to go home to now. He _wanted _to go home.

_Let me go home_

_It'll all be alright_

_I'll be home tonight_

_I'm coming back home_


	3. Wouldn't You?

_Ok so this part doesn't come with a song because quite frankly I couldn't find anything that fit. This was just an idea in my head of how I'd like to see it happen on the show. You'll see what I mean as you read. Enjoy…_

…………………………………..

Wouldn't you.

Sara was just finishing of a hot cup of Greg's special blend coffee when Catherine breezed into the break room with the night's assignments. Nick and Warrick immediately shut off the Playstation game they were currently competing on and joined Sara and Greg at the table.

"Ok guys, looks like a busy one. Nick, Greg, DB at the Tropicana. Warrick, you and I are on a sexual assault in Henderson."

Sara secretly breathed a sigh of relief that Catherine had not passed that case to her. Normally she'd have been furious to be passed over, not wanting to appear weak to her work mates. But Grissom's absence was taking its toll on her and the thought of returning home to an empty bed, with no one there to tell her it would all be alright, made her think twice.

"Sara, you got a suspicious circs at the Tempest."

They each took their assignment slips and headed out, Nick and Greg arguing over who was going to be the one to crack the case, while the rest of the team rolled their eyes.

Sara pulled the Denali over when she reached the scene and was thankful when she noticed that Brass was the detective on the case. Over the last three weeks, he'd been like her guardian angel, looking after her at scenes and stopping by the townhouse occasionally to check on her or just keep her company. He was the only one who knew about the relationship between her and Grissom.

Grissom had apparently let him in on the secret a few days before he left, saying that he wanted someone there who knew what was going on so that they could look after Sara while he was gone. Brass had been his first thought.

For starters he was Grissom's closest friend, aside from Catherine and although the two women had been getting on better lately, he hadn't felt totally comfortable leaving her to look after Sara. He trusted Brass with his life.

Then there was Brass and Sara's relationship, which had become something akin to a father daughter bond. Grissom knew without a doubt that he was the one to turn to. And Sara would have to remind herself to thank him for that.

She smiled at Brass as she approached.

"Hey doll." He greeted her with a wink.

"Hey Jim, what's the scoop?"

"Victim's name is Norman Waters. Security at the hotel were doing their evening rounds when they found him like this."

He gestured to the body, which was splayed across the concrete at an impossible angle.

"Any witnesses?" she asked, shaking off the feeling of déjà vu that was washing over her. She wasn't sure why, but something about the case felt familiar.

Brass shook his head. "Not to the actual event. But a couple in the room next door to the vic's said they heard arguing a couple of hours ago. Two male voices screaming obscenities at each other."

"No visual description then?"

"Nope. We're pulling surveillance tapes to see if we can catch a view of this guy leaving the room."

After he had assured he that he would page her when they'd gotten hold of the tapes, she left him to it and approached the body. David was just finishing up, and stood to greet her.

"All yours Sara. Lividity and liver temp suggest he's been dead just over an hour, no more than two."

"Thanks David."

As she got closer she noticed fresh wounds on the victim's hands and pieces of what looked like shattered, brown glass scattered across the ground. Frowning slightly, she photographed the scene and quickly got to work.

……………………………………

An hour later, after processing the scene and the hotel room, and finding no evidence of another person being anywhere near the victim Sara trudged into the morgue, hoping that Doc Robbins could give her something to work with.

"Hey Doc, please tell me you have something useful to tell me?"

He shook his head and smiled apologetically. "Nothing you probably didn't already know. COD was massive internal bleeding consisted with a high impact fall. Surprisingly, he actually survived the initial impact. His room was what…four flights up?"

"Five." She smirked when he narrowed his eyes at her correction. "What about the wounds on his left hand? Defensive wounds?"

"Doubt it. His fingers were all broken in several places which means his hand was probably clenched in a fist when he first hit the ground. Like he was holding something. I found shards of glass inside the wounds."

She nodded, expecting the answer. "We found shards of the same glass scattered around the body at the scene."

"Probably from a beer bottle. The guy's blood alcohol level was point zero four."

"Wow! He was smashed, excuse the pun." She shared a smirk with the pathologist before being distracted by a buzzing at her hip. "That's Brass with the security tapes. Gotta run. Thanks Doc."

She met Brass in the A/V lab where Archie was just queuing up the tape. She explained what the Doc had told her about the victims injuries and the glass they found.

"Ok wait…that doesn't make sense. Two scenarios here. One, the guy jumps…why would he hold on to his beer bottle? Two, the guy's pushed… again why would he hold on to his beer bottle?"

Archie spoke up from where he was seated watching the tape. "Check it out."

Three sets of eyes turned to the screen to see a tall man storming out of one of the hotel rooms in a rage, slamming the door behind them.

Sara was the first one to say what they were all thinking. "That's the wrong room. It's on the other side of the witnesses' room. This guy wasn't pushed."

"Ok… but again I repeat, if you're about to jump off of a balcony fifty feet up in the air, why would you hold on to your beer bottle."

Realisation dawned on Sara in that moment. "You wouldn't."

"Wait, so if the guy wasn't pushed, and he didn't jump…" Suddenly the pieces fell together and Brass caught up with what Sara was already thinking. "He fell."

Sara nodded and talked it out for the benefit of the detective and A/V technician. "It's the most simple answer. So simple that we overlooked it. Guy goes out on the town, gets steaming drunk, return's to his hotel room with a bottle of beer. It's night time in Vegas, if you wanted to kick back with a bottle of beer in your hotel room, where would you go?"

"The balcony." Archie provided.

"Exactly. I found a key card on the opposite side of the railing. At first I figured it had fallen out of his pocket as he went over but maybe he dropped it. He reaches over in a drunken haze to grab it, leans to far and the rest as they say is history." She smiled proudly at having cracked the case so quickly. There was still more than half the shift to go.

After filling the report, Sara headed to Grissom's office to drop it on the desk for Catherine to sign. As she was about to turn and leave she realised what it was about the case that had seemed so familiar. Her mind flashed back several years, to a sunny Vegas day, when she had showed up to a scene to find Grissom and Nick having great fun throwing plastic dummies off the roof of a hotel.

Her smile widened as she thought about that day. The first day she'd arrived in Vegas. She'd been through a lot since she got here and on a number of occasions she'd come extremely close to leaving. Now she couldn't be happier that she hadn't.

"Norman fell." She whispered to herself.

"Wouldn't you if you were married to Mrs Roper?"

She froze. It couldn't be. He wasn't due back for another week. But there was no mistaking that voice.

She was unable to suppress the grin on her face as she repeated his words from long ago. "I don't even have to turn around. Gil Grissom."

When she turned, brown eyes met blue and his face held a grin that matched the intensity she was sure hers held.

Setting his kit on the floor Grissom swung the office door shut and turned the key in the lock. "That's me."


End file.
